Kaitlin Garrison

Blessed are the Peacemakers (Not the Peacekeepers)

I loathe conflict.

Where there is disagreement, tension or an argument, you can find me sprinting in the opposite direction.

Maybe you’re like me and you wish everyone could get along, go with the flow, and keep conflict at bay. Wouldn’t that make life so much easier?

This desire to keep the peace is not bad in and of itself. Afterall, Jesus says “blessed are the peacemakers” (Matt 5:9) right?

Right.

But oftentimes we confuse a peacemaker with a peacekeeper.

A peacemaker is someone who is willing to resolve both outer and inner turmoil in order to establish peace with others and within themselves. Inevitably, peacemaking will require engaging in conflict and tension to help bring the situation to a solid place. A peacekeeper, on the other hand, desires to maintain peace by avoiding conflict. They typically give in to the tension or steer clear of disagreement to keep others happy. Peacekeepers hate rocking the boat; therefore, they will sacrifice their own inner peace to maintain the “facade” of peace with others.

Peacekeepers may look like peacemakers, but only one group is experiencing true peace.

Following the Example of the Prince of Peace

Jesus is the greatest example of a peacemaker– He was even given the name “Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6). Jesus is the ultimate mediator who made peace between God and man and between people groups.

Yet, from the outside looking in, one might argue that Jesus’ life was anything but peaceful. Jesus was constantly engaging in conflict whether it was through challenging the religious leader’s beliefs, confronting sin, questioning the disciples, and preaching despite persecution. However, through this tension, Jesus was able to set people free, show them the true Way, and save their lives by being willing to rock the boat to give a lasting peace.

I’m not gonna lie–Jesus’ version of making peace looks drastically different from mine. And that needs to change. Maybe yours does too.

Though our conflicts may not look the same as his, this remains true:

We cannot be true “peacemakers” by avoiding conflict, honesty and tense situations.

Instead, we must refute the lies we’ve learned about conflict and learn how to MAKE peace instead of just KEEP it.

Here are 3 key truths peacekeepers must realize:

#1. Honesty Breeds Harmony

Let’s be real: honesty is hard for a peacekeeper. Not because they don’t have opinions or feelings, but because they don’t know how other people will receive them. Out of fear of someone disagreeing or getting offended, peacekeepers will disregard their own thoughts to go along with someone else’s.

The truth? There will always be a risk of disagreement when you share your thoughts, ideas, feelings, exc. However, there is also the chance that your honesty with someone else will be of great value to them. Being truly honest allows your words to encourage, challenge and give insight to another. It also creates space for us to learn through someone else’s differing thoughts.

Your honesty can also help others find harmony in their lives. Suppose a friend is in a rough situation. You can see the problem but you’re afraid they might get offended if you tell them. You can either pat them on the back and be about their feelings by not being honest with them, or you can be about their freedom by letting them know what you see and how it’s affecting them.

 

#2. Disagreement Doesn’t Have to Equal Disrespect

We all know those people who will argue about anything. Hop on Facebook for five minutes and you’ll be sure to find a degrading argument happening on someone’s page. Believe it or not, there IS a way to confront or disagree with someone without the conversation getting ugly.

There is a special tension to be held in the midst of disagreement: the tension of truth and love. This tension involves speaking honestly about what you believe to be true while still giving value to the other person AND to what they are saying.

In Ephesians 4:15, Paul says this to the believers in Ephesus:

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”

Oftentimes, we want to operate from either true OR love, but the power is in the tension. (tweet) We must have the boldness to be honest about the truth and the maturity to be attentive instead of defensive.

Oftentimes, we want to operate out of truth OR love, but the power is in the tension. Click To Tweet

#3. Peacekeeping is Passive–Peacemaking is Proactive

As mentioned before, keeping the peace tends to look like letting things slide and turning a blind eye for the sake of avoiding confrontation. While this may seem harmless, this type of passivity can eventually become a breeding ground for injustice, festering wounds of bitterness, and relational breakdown. There’s a time to let things go, but there is also a time to speak up and take action.

Making peace looks like actively reconciling, conversing and struggling with oneself or another to reach peace. It’s proactively working through conflict to come to TRUE resolve. While not every conflict results in both parties agreeing, most of the time, two parties can peacefully agree to disagree while still respecting and honoring the other.

A Peacemaking Lifestyle

In Romans 12:18 , Paul reminds believers:

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Paul’s words confirm it IS a worthy desire to promote peace and strive to reach it in our relationships. The key is–we must remember to go about reaching peace the right way.

As recovering peacekeepers, let’s remember these three things:

  1. Your voice, opinions, convictions and beliefs matter.
  2. You are capable of speaking the truth and even disagreeing in love
  3. Listen to the Holy Spirit in those moments when it’s time to speak up

May we aim to live our lives actively making peace, instead of just trying to keep it.

Comments

  1. Southern Simple Blessed says

    Thank you, thank you for this. I’ve learned something today. I’ve never thought about the difference between the two. I really needed this. I’m saving to read again when I need it. Bless you!!

    Reply

  2. helloredds says

    This is a wonderful post!
    I hate conflict as well, but I’m learning about the importance of speaking the truth in love.
    Thanks for the encouragement to relate more honestly.
    I’m sharing your post today~
    Blessings,
    Melanie

    Reply

  3. Diana says

    I dislike conflict and go into silent mode. The difference between peacemaker and peacekeeper is thoroughly explained here, and I am going to pin this one and save so that I can come back and reflect more on it.

    Reply

  5. Helene says

    Amen! I’d rather keep peace than do the confrontation, truth-telling and hard work of reconciliation! Thanks for the encouragement!

    Reply

  6. Christa Sterken says

    I really loved this post, and so appreciate your perspective. This is something is has taken me YEARS to learn and put into practice, but is the best investment of time and effort!

    Reply

    • Kaitlin says

      Christa, I’m so glad to hear that it IS possible to live this out when we really work at it like you have! Thank you so much ❤️❤️

      Reply

  7. Sydney Meek says

    I love this! I am usually the one to run away from conflict as well. Throughout my marriage I’ve seen this arise so many times, and realized I needed to do exactly what you’ve described, but I’ve never though of it as being a “peacemaker.” I love that. Thanks for sharing this sweet truth!

    Sydney Meek | meeklyloving.com

    Reply

  8. Rachel Chamberlayne says

    This post is so anointed, Kaitlin! I’m the same way; I am probably more of a peacekeeper than a true peacemaker. I’ve always known that being passive for the sake of avoiding confrontation, an argument, or even small awkward disagreements didn’t feel quite right; Jesus wouldn’t have been silent if something said or done blasphemed God or went against the Word so who am I kidding if I do that? Thank you for the beautiful post; I never would have thought about it in this way! Amen and may God continue to bless the words you share!

    Rach

    Reply

  10. Kenyatta says

    Thanks Kaitlin for this post. I was wrestling in prayer over this very thought because I strive to be a peacemaker in a family of destructive confrontational people who try to force me to be a peacekeeper and belittle and criticize me for attempting to be a peacemaker. This post has encouraged me that I am not wrong with my behaviors… my family of origin just doesn’t understand that peace doesn’t equal always agreeing with them, relenting to them or turning a blind eye to their behaviors. Yet, I’m trying to balance my mindset and stir clear of self righteous or unrighteously judge them which is where my tension lies

    Reply

    • Kaitlin says

      Kenyatta,
      Wow, that is so tough! That is so awesome that you are learning to live in the balance of these two things, because it’s hard to live in the tension. I’m sure the more you navigate these waters and wrestle with it, you will have wisdom in each situation to know what to do. Thanks for sharing!

      Reply

  11. Rachel says

    This is exactly what I needed today!! We have been going through a really tough time with some family members who take offense every time we try to be honest or disagree with them on something. This is article really spells out what I knew but couldn’t put into words. Thank you so much for this wonderful article full of wisdom and insight!!

    Reply

  12. Paul says

    As a police officer- Matthew 5:9 is probably the most cliched and mis-quoted to explain my job. On it’s surface, it is spot on, we wade into danger and keep the peace. But I started a 5-week series on the Sermon on the Mount the other night and our pastor brought up the “peacemaker vs peacekeeper” aspect in our lives. I’d never thought of it in that way, and given the conflict of the past 10 days, I wanted to know more.
    I loved your blog (thanks google!) I see where I’ve been a peacekeeper to avoid office conflict and home conflict. It’s easy to be a peace maker in other people’s crises. Thank you for writing this, I’ll be saving it for future reference as I struggle to live a Peacemaker life daily whether I’m at work or with my family.

    Reply

  13. Michael Borich says

    Good blog, and I appreciate Paul’s comment above, but I think both peacemakers and peacekeepers are important — we need both. Not sure I would agree with your statement: “Let’s be real: honesty is hard for a peacekeeper. Not because they don’t have opinions or feelings, but because they don’t know how other people will receive them. Out of fear of someone disagreeing or getting offended, peacekeepers will disregard their own thoughts to go along with someone else’s.” You seem to be defining peacekeeper negatively without context. . . perhaps a real world example would help. My son is a 20-year police officer who is a peacekeeper — he is sensititve to others, and when he has to arrest someone, he is still polite, but he keeps the peace in difficult situations, often protecting victims of domestic abuse — his role in society is very necessary. As a minister of the Good News, I am thankful for writers like you willing to share your thoughts.

    Reply

    • Stephansuch says

      I would classify your cop son as a peacemaker then because he comes to the scene of unrest (not avoid it), he stays present for the conflict, he listens to all persons involved (instead of making them be quiet just because they’re emotionally upset), he finds a resolution before he leaves, he makes arrest, all while trying to show respect and love. And there is even opportunity later on in the process for victims as well as perpetrators to be heard. No?
      But maybe this is more a debate if definitions. I think keeping the peace isn’t simply avoiding your or other’s emotions. It’s not just how something is said, but what. It’s not just what is said, but how. So, like you said, maybe it’s both. I think a true peacekeeper tries to speak in love, but also listens in love. And then decides if there is an action they need to take to show love. It’s not just talk/discussion/tone, it’s also action.

      Reply

  14. Nina Bellamy says

    I do appreciate your insight. I often feel hurt and lonely when “Keeping the Peace.” I questioned whether Peacekeeper is even in the Bible. Your explanation how Peacemaker and Peacekeeper differ set me free. When there’s conflict, there’s no longer peace to keep. It must be “made” again! I must learn to make peace again in love with God’s strength and blessing. Keep ministering!

    Reply

  17. Terry Duboise says

    I’ve been called to be a peacemaker also from the Lord 2 years ago, where I had to learn to be a peacemaker, the ministry I was learning at is with out spot or wrinkle Ministries in Lavergne California. Definition Peacemaker, he will confront matters at any cost to himself, because he’s motivated by truth and for his God! Especially as we are being purified to be holy in our conduct and our actions for the return of our Lord and savior to take home his bride! that is going to be a glorious bride without spot blemish , wrinkle or any such thing. One thing I definitely was purified from was the fear of rejection which the Lord knew was there and by challenging me to be a peacemaker came to the surface and I gave it to the Lord and He healed me of it, praise God

    Reply

  18. Renee says

    Please pray for me as I apply this insight with a family situation I need to tend to since I am like you in this area. Thank you.

    Reply

  19. Carolyn Blake says

    Jesus says in The Gospel of Saint Matthew, chapter 5: verse 9, KJV,
    “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.”

    Therefore, Children of God, in Christ Jesus, seek His wisdom to know when to speak, and when not to speak, and be blessed, in His Holiness. Only in the presence of our Lord Jesus, The Prince of Peace, is His peace.

    “Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.”
    ~Psalm 46:10 (KJV)

    “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” ~ St. John 16:33 (KJV)

    Reply

  20. Ngozi says

    Thank you for this insightful blog.
    I naturally hate conflict and confrontation. Nevertheless, I was forced to take on the role of Peacemaker in my family. This means I’m often called on to address difficult issues. I’m sometimes forced to speak the hard truth to even my elder siblings and my parents. Many times I want to avoid this. Sometimes after the confrontation my heart is troubled for a couple of days. But God has been faithfully using me to restore sanity and peace in my family.
    However, I’m still learning the art of Peacemaking and sometimes I could say things that may hurt. Although my loved ones have mostly come to accept my words in good faith, I recently got the prompting to master the art of fashioning my words such that respect is not lost and only wholesome words feature in my talk.
    I pray for wisdom and grace.

    Reply

  21. Connie Rice says

    Thank you! I googled “the difference between peace keeper and peace maker” and your blog popped up. Spoke to my heart and soul. I’m a recovering peace keeper. Lots of truths here that I will put into practice. Appreciate your words!

    Reply

  22. Michelle Swadley says

    Thank you. It is not easy being a peace keeper, especially when surrounded by peace makers. As the person who takes conflict and issues head on to resolve with simplicity, I hit walls with people who would rather avoid, which leads to greater conflict. As I’m currently dealing with a serious issue that needs head on resolution, im once again confronted with my families goto of ignore and it’ll go away. I prayed to God to give me peace as I step away and let my siblings not take care of issues. Our sermon at church yesterday was on the subject of peace maker and then I found your wonderful message. Praise God for the words I needed to hear and read.

    Reply

    • Kaitlin says

      Wow thank you so much for sharing! As someone who has historically struggled with avoiding conflict, I am so thankful for my friends who are not afraid of it, and have taught me over and over how to do it well

      Reply

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